I have been absent. I have been present in many places: my home, my job, my marriage, my church, but I sort of accidentally took a hiatus from this blog and then…Summer happened. (Is happening! It’s only August! Summer forever! Is what I try to tell myself)
On August 6, I renewed my vows to my husband and celebrated our covenant in a beautiful place surrounded by loved ones and it was pure magic. God shined so brightly, and the mission of our day was accomplished. I will have lots to say on that in the coming days and weeks.
But what comes after “mission accomplished?” That’s where I found myself this morning, grappling for purpose and drowning in the mundane. True to ordinary, I started my day today like any other day, at the foot of the throne. I poured my heart out to God. But this morning, He asked me to dissolve the intimacy of the throne room and share these thoughts with you, my beloved readers, because they truly illustrate where my heart is right now.
This is my journal entry from August 17, 2016:
Oh Heavenly Father, how grateful I am to be in the presence of the almighty God this morning. Your word beckons me like a familiar place or loved one’s embrace. It rips my heart in two and mends it back together again, teaching me not to trust my own heart but the unfailing Word of God. Lord help me find my place. I feel this calling to write, and there is certainly light in that crack, but I will patiently wait for you to open the door fully. Let my words steadily trickle from You, lapping over hearts like waves as You call me deeper still into the ocean of Your understanding.
You command me to learn before I teach, to ponder before I speak, and to live before I write. Let the words I express be the words You provide, and to You be the glory for their impact. Call me out of my comfortable lowly-lit living room and into Your marvelous, brilliant, blinding light where comfort recedes behind truth. Shed your light in my darkest places, which could possibly shroud Your truth from shining through me.
Break me down to make me whole, sculpt my soul as you have sculpted every part of my being. Place my identity in Christ alone, His princess, and let the world grow strangely dim. Lord to You be the glory for every good work you equip me for and lead me to. I am your humble maidservant.
In Thy precious name, Amen
Friends, I am back. Though the previous checklist is complete, and the next one mostly blank, I am ready to serve with my words. I am ready to say yes and be vulnerable, even when the fruits are nonexistent or (optimistically) unseen. I am ready to relinquish control and just put one foot in front of the other, letting God lead each step in His marvelous dance.
Shine on and stay tuned.